Today is John Lennon’s birthday. I want to say,"may God rest his soul" but I’m not sure how I feel about God after last night. One thing Sir Lennon said that always resonated with me was, "God is a concept, by which we measure our pain". Last night, like most nights I had trouble sleeping. Thinking to much, well just thinking. Wondering so much about my Christian beliefs. Is the Bible true? Mind you I recently discovered that kings of the past had priest manipulate Scripture for government. Am I destine for hell because I was born gay or had these these feelings from a very early age (like 4)? Which to me seems like a set up, equivalent to telling a person born with down syndrome, " if you don’t let God transform you to be healed you are an abomination". I use to fear sleeping, as a child, thinking if I died in my sleep I was sure to go to hell for being gay.
Now , I never was one to really opening disagree with the Bible, but I believe that was because of domestication. What I was always taught to believe. What if that was wrong? How confusing to know how you feel on the inside to be totally wrong. What am I to do? "Give it to God", I was told."Read your word", (again) I was told. So I did, and I acted like I was transformed, many times. It was a fat lie. Then a came across a little book called "The Four Agreements". The book explain the process of domestication and the concept of living in your personal freedom. My parents where taught something, which was taught to them by their parents and so on and so on. So I started to believe that maybe I’m just fine the way I am, going on the direction of my heart. Anything else was self deception.
Ok, back to last night. I was talking to a very good friend of mine about God and Heaven and the imagine of streets of gold was brought up. Now, I’m am going to go ahead and give a disclaimer, "I’ve never been one to challenge the Bible", but streets of gold seemed very canal like. Man finds value in gold and gems why would God? Its material, right? Think about the concept of God sitting on a throne. Isn’t that another men made concept of power. And there are many other ideas that pop up in my head last night that really seemed man made, not God like. Perhaps the images of heaven described in the Bible were just word symbols, because these physical things were the only things he could compare to. But that’s just one idea. Why is God considered a man? The human concept. Why are Jews the chosen people? What about everyone else, didn’t we all come from Adam and Eve? Why is it that babies and children die young, from various reason? Some say so God can work through them. So they were born to die? What makes there my soul so different, that child is the teacher? What is the fate of those in the world who never even heard of the God in heaven?
Ok I’m sorry to rush this folks but i have to go to work, but I hope you get my point. When I see the beauty of nature I want to believe in a God of creation. When see evil I wonder where does it come from. If God is ultimately going to save us from this world, what’s the wait???? "He" sees the little boys and girls getting raped. Folks being mistreated because of skin color. Wars. And this happens so "HE" can bring us out. I contemplate death all the time because the concept of heaven does seem wonderful in comparison to this hell on earth. Is God just a concept by which we measure our pain????
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5YJ4NTM5zU
No comments:
Post a Comment